Ten Fascitimnating Facts About Tim

Here are ten things that make me endlessly interesting, nay, irresistible (and you can imagine how hard it was to narrow it down to ten):

1. I have met every Canadian Prime Minister since Dief (and including him), except Lester B. (he died too quickly after famously pissing on LBJ's rug) and the incumbent, Stephen Harper, who is too busy writing his hockey book to invite me up to the old hotness that is 24 Sussex. I have met none of them while they were actually Prime Minister. Trudeau, you'll be shocked to learn, was with a stunning woman who appeared to be younger than my girlfriend at the time.

2. I have been at the water's edge of all four oceans, but haven't been in any of them. I have been in one Great Lake (North American variety), and can't say I liked it much.

3. I have lived in only one city whose name did not end in a vowel (and I've lived there twice!).

4. My grandfather was born in 1878. I'm only 39, so you do the math.

5. I haven't been to the two cities where I spent my first 18 years since 1994 and 1995, respectively, and cannot imagine that I will return to either of them.

6. I once saw, live, all (28 at the time) Major League Baseball teams in one year, in one city.

7. I can spell my name--and probably yours, too--in Yiddish. This is great at parties!

8. I can summon up the actual names of more Canadian military units than anybody I know.

9. The only Passover service I have ever attended--I'm not Jewish, but I prolly should have been--was in Isfahan, Iran. "Surreal" might be an apt description of the experience (though I am open to suggestions).

10. I was once simultaneously employed by two institutions with names so anachronistic that they could be viewed as detrimental to the cause, and even possibly offensive. The terms in question, for those who want to know, were "Oriental" and "Lying-In."

Bonus biscuit: My porn name is Fluffer Upton.

There--aren't you a better person for having read this? I know I am!